‘Say yes and stay open’ Those were the words I woke up to in February of 2020. This is the part where I make the disclaimer about not hearing an audible voice but, you know, the one that comes from your gut. I was sure a specific, life-altering, decision would soon be asked of me that would entice a knee-jerk no. I assumed it had to do with my husband, Casey. He’s a ranch manager and he team ropes. I thought he was about to ask to take our family on the road or move us to another city or state. Noticing a pattern here? ‘I was sure…I assumed…I thought.’ How many of us know God, the same still-small voice that clued me in, never works in that way? Raise your hand if he’s ever done what we thought, assumed, or were sure of?! Yeah, not my story either.

We did make a move in July from the street we lived on for five years to the city of Decatur, thirty minutes away. I knew this was not the yes since I was elated with the move. The only reason God would feel the need to give such a directive as ‘say yes and stay open’, is if he knew I’d be inclined to say no. However, my husband and I both knew we were in a season of transition.

There is much more to tell that built up to that moment in November, during prayer and worship, when I received a book title and full synopsis faster than I could pen. I closed the journal and forgot about it until February of 2021.
I had again woken up to words. These let me know that the Rhema moment I had back in November had a purpose. The reason I did nothing with it for three months was simple. I didn’t take myself seriously. My mind had so dismissed the thought, I remember shrugging as I closed the journal. ‘Don’t know what that was about, maybe it will mean something to me one day.’ The parable that came to me in the middle of the night showed me this was the exact ‘it’ I had prayed to receive for seven years.

When Holy Spirit offers an utterance, as you are seeking God, he will confirm what he spoke. In scripture, through people, other ‘God winks’. He really does speak to us when we set our heart and mind towards him. That is exactly what he did over the next ten days as I wrestled hard over this new commission. It was as close to a Saul-to-Paul moment that I’ve ever had. Not in the way that I was a Jesus-hating, murderous Pharisee before but, I could all of a sudden see what had been there all along. I was undone. Puddle on the floor, undone. Waves of realization crashed over me one by one. He allowed me to look back over my life with enlightened eyes and see how he had molded me in every stage for exactly this. This was my ‘Say Yes’ moment. I realized it was much less about a specific ask as it was the posture of my heart in giving GOD my ‘yes’. Whatever He wants, wherever He leads, I’d ‘Say Yes & Stay Open’.

Seven years ago(2014), I begrudgingly drug my feet to the secular workforce. I did not want to work for man. I wanted a God job. Prior to those seven years, he had just given and stripped away everything I thought I wanted out of this world. I was over what it had to offer. I wanted to be directly working for Kingdom purposes. I had found out those dividends are the only ones that last. I could not motivate myself for money alone. Nothing motivated me like learning and sharing about Jesus. I was ensured I could be a Kingdom builder from anywhere and that ‘God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called’. I remember those words providing relief I clung to. I had zero experience and had to get a job. The one I found allowed me to come in and learn as I went. I spent those years learning marketing management, graphic design, networking, PR, and events. Perfectly positioned to just go ahead and do this thing, right?! Since apparently, to write a book you have to have this thing called a pl….plahhh…..platform. Gross. This is why I wrestled.

I am so much more at home with myself than I am with a crowd of people or even just one other person. I would consider myself more introverted than extroverted. I’m an Enneagram 4, also called ‘The Individualist’. It’s not that I dislike people, au contraire-I deeply love them. So, monotonous day-to-day things are unappealing. I’d rather save human interactions for things that really matter. Remember, deep connection? This is why putting myself out there on a social media platform where shallow interactions rule, makes me shudder. It’s the interactions themselves but rather, being so partially known. That and-who am I to carry these messages, anyway? What happens when I get it wrong? I’m opening myself up to a world that actually, as of late, isn’t very kind. What does this mean for my treasured solitude? Where the wrestling met my ‘yes’, the Word of God set my feet on solid ground and I knew being obedient was so much more important than being comfortable.

Casey and I met at a North Texas High School Rodeo my freshman year. Though we never dated until a year after my first marriage ended, we were crazy about each other back then! Our high schools had only been about 30 minutes apart but we were living totally different lives. It is so hard not to question. Our angels must’ve taken 5, right?! God needed Avonlea and that’s the only answer we need. Not even a full month into dating, he had bought the ring!

Being a momma is my favorite title. If you’re on my page, there’s a good chance you know exactly what I mean. These kiddos teach me so much about life, God, and myself.

When I was 16 and got my first car, I started taking random drives on Sundays. One of those Sundays I found myself at a cute little church on a hill. I was a sponge in Mrs. Jeanie’s teen Bible study class. I couldn’t get enough! Of Jesus or Mrs. Jeanie! I had gotten really involved in the youth group but also just loved the Sunday sermons. After several months, I even went through the church membership class. After turning 17, I became ‘distracted’ to put it nicely. I knew my actions did not line up with the Word of God. I felt Paul’s convictions in Romans 7, “We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” In those feelings, I cried out to God in repentance and plea. I saw myself heading down a path I did not want. I asked him to do something that would change the course of my life forever and keep my eyes and heart always on him. His answer came quickly in the form of two little pink lines. Remember the conversation from the first paragraph on this page? THAT WAS NOT WHAT I HAD IN MIND! HA!!! I simply wanted him to hit the fix-it button in my heart that would keep me from sinning. If only I had known it was that I was missing the power of the Holy Spirit.

I adore that little church on the hill and all that it did for my family and I. It was there that I was baptized, learned about the Holy Spirit, watched my little brother be baptized, dedicated my son to the Lord, and watched my baby girl make her own decision to be baptized. God knew what my idols were. I’m thankful for the work he did in my heart to stamp my membership card to this holy ‘hood.

I remember my grandma introducing me to Jesus at a very young age. I would stay with her under a canopy of East Texas pines during the summer. She had me memorize Psalm 23 as my first Bible verse. I don’t remember a time I didn’t know Jesus and believe in what he did for me. However, Savior took on a whole new meaning when my parents’ couch was the only place I had to go with my three-year-old baby girl. Her dad and I had been high school sweethearts, graduated early, married, and had Avonlea by the time our classmates were starting their freshman year of college. What should have been the darkest time of my life ended up being the most beautiful season of reliance and provision. I sought God like never before and having been baptized at 22, I was alive in the Holy Spirit for the first time.

So, that’s the snapshot version of my background and testimony that led me here. I told you so about my selective oversharing. If you’ve made it this far, your parting favor is the basic ‘about me’ summary that was probably all you were looking for anyways!
I have a DEEP love for the mountains and want to live in some one day. I think it may be as close to a perpetual fall as I’m able to get. There are only two seasons in my book: fall and not fall. I’m also weird about hosting things and/or making events more ‘extra’ than necessary. I love details and creating aesthetics. I have a cowboy corgi named Bex and a rescue Australian shepherd/border collie named Bingo. My mom is my trusted sounding board and my pops is everything he didn’t have to be and more. They have been married for over 26 years and have been such an example for us kids. A couple of my favorites for sure! All the rest of my favs are featured above, including SEVEN nieces and one nephew. ???

Thank you for taking the time to be here, all the way at the bottom of this page! It means an awful lot to an enneagram 4 to be heard and understood. I pray what you find here matters.